


harry potters

by eynn



Series: harry potter but a bit to the left [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M, lily was the off screen mastermind to defeating voldemort, she and severus are really into quidditch also, they took the concept of second string players very seriously, this had to have a plot? wild, which was not planned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:07:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22105273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eynn/pseuds/eynn
Summary: how unobservant can james really be? everyone who knows him finds out
Relationships: Lily Evans/Severus Snape, background james potter/sirius black mentioned
Series: harry potter but a bit to the left [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1507595
Comments: 4
Kudos: 84





	harry potters

**Author's Note:**

> this was written in twenty minutes after a sugar high and a strange conversation. enjoy

“So, turns out there’s just one problem with this plan,” said Lily Evans, dropping down dramatically on Severus Snape’s ancient couch at Spinners’ End. She sneezed. “For the love of God, dust this fucking thing or I’ll un-fake marry James.”

Severus sighed. “What’s the problem?”

“I’m pregnant.”

He shrugged. “I’m sure our cover will be delighted he’s spawned again.”

“It’s yours.”

“Ah.”

“It’s triplets.”

“Holy shit.”

“Exactly.”

“What do I do?”

He shrugged again. “How old is the first one?”

“Harry is three months old, thank you, Severus.”

“What’s he look like again?”

“He is literally sitting on your chest, idiot.”

Severus looked down at the drooling, sleeping baby on his chest in surprise. “This one’s yours?” A throw pillow hit him in the head and then disintegrated from the impact. It was very old. “Huh. Doesn’t look much like the cover at all.”

“That’s because he’s sleeping with Sirius and hasn’t ever slept with me.” Lily sighed happily. “I love memory charms. Anyway, he’s ours too.”

Severus frowned at his firstborn. “Why did you tell me he was Gullible’s, then?”

“You told me to tell you, so you could create a fake memory for our Grand Plan, and then obliviate you. And to convince you to open a daycare, and wasn’t that the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I’ve got your missing memories around here somewhere.”

His eyes brightened at the mention of the Plan. “Oh, right. Look here, if it all works out, both the Dark Dipshit and the Headmeddler will be gone in a few weeks. Let’s figure out this baby thing then.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three years later

“Lily, you know that I respect you and your life choices utterly and that I’m very happy with everything, but why can our child apparate and shapeshift before he’s four?” James Potter asked mildly, his feet up on the kitchen table in the vacation cottage in Godric’s Hollow and a puzzled frown between his eyes. “Not that I think it’s a bad thing, just a bit. You know. Quirky.”

Lily patted her ticket to reforming the wizarding world on his fluffy head. “Harry’s just a normal kid, James. I think he’s pretty smart, but he isn’t especially magically powerful for a baby.”

“Just now I was in the bathroom and he was trying to slime under the door, then I put him in his crib, walk into the next room, and he’s playing with blocks.”

Lily sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Ah. I suppose it’s safe to explain now. Cedar!”

A house-elf popped in by her knee and smiled up at her. “What does Lily be wanting?”

“Hey, I thought you didn’t like house-elves,” James commented.

“I don’t like the wix who abuse them,” she corrected. “Cedar, be a dear and grab the kids and bring them here, would you? James needs to learn the truth.”

The elf bobbed enthusiastically and disappeared.

“Magical postpartum care is the best,” Lily said idly. “And pregnancy care. How else can you have eight kids in three years?”

“What?”

“Two sets of triplets, and twins, and then Harry, of course.” 

“Who were you having all those kids with? It sure as hell wasn’t me, as per our contract.”

Lily smiled. “Sev, of course.”

James rolled his eyes. “Can’t you use birth control?”

“Oh, we do now. But,” a maniac gleam came into Lily’s eyes and she struck a pose with her fist in the air, “between our combined talents, we now have a full Snape-Evans quidditch team! As soon as they get old enough to fly, we’re training them. England will never lose another World Cup again.”

James sat with his head now on the table and watched as a veritable fleet of nursery elves popped in with, indeed, eight children. They ranged in age from what he considered as ‘a bit younger than Harry’ to ‘is that a potato in a blanket’. However, his time as a consort to House Black had taught him some of the proper things to say upon meeting parents of newborns, so he smiled and nodded. 

“Say hello to your Uncle James!” Lily said brightly. “He was an excellent chaser for the Gryffindor team, and he’s going to train your when you’re older!”

Sixteen green eyes, full of Quidditch zeal, turned to study him intently.

“Are you saying,” James said slowly, “that you had all these kids in the house ever since they were born, and I just kept thinking they were Harry?” He had to admit, they all did look alike, with dark hair and green eyes.

“Oh, some of them are wearing glamours,” she said. “About half of them are actually redheads. We honestly thought you’d notice before now.”

“I’ve been living in your library for two years, Potter,” said Severus, who had come from somewhere. “Did you not notice the kitchenette, the lab built out in the back garden, my shoes at the door, and, occasionally, me?”

James sighed. “I thought I was just seeing things. Why did you keep this going for so long?”

Lily and Severus exchanged a glance. “We had a bet,” they said simultaneously. “Then things just kind of escalated,” he continued.

“Oh? Who wins?”

“Minerva,” Lily grumbled. “She bet on ‘not until you get sick of this stupidity and just tell him’.”

“I still say we could have pulled it off until Harry went to Hogwarts,” Severus muttered.

James shrugged and stood up. “Well, congratulations. I’ll get you some belated baby presents while I’m out. I guess you know where everything is, Snape, so make yourself at home. Rent’s due on the first.”

“I know.”

“Oh, you’re the one who’s been renting from me for the last three years!” James realized. “I never could find where you were renting, exactly.”

“The top floor and space in the library.”

“I’ll stop going up there to sing when I’m drunk.”

“Thank you. I will stop keeping my rifle loaded with birdshot.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In Hogwarts, a disgruntled staff handed over various sizes of small clinking pouch to the Headmistress. She smirked.

“I will compose an ode upon the bagpipes to this occasion,” she began, and continued over the noise of many polite mumbles upon the theme ‘please don’t bother’. “I shall call it, ‘The Boy Who Didn’t See For Shit’.”


End file.
